Spawnkitty

Hi

2007-09-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

You can read about me and my various exploits on my pet's blog now (here). Vancouver life is good and all but too busy for two blogs and since *she* knows how to open the tuna cans I finally consented, but not without many bites.

Bite bite~

Spike 'the Spawnkitty' Andrew

Attn: Chuck and Bears

2007-07-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

All is okay. The new place is too hot but there is our scratching post and many things to sniff. The yumoos are lurking now but I will post more later when I can get the digital camera.

I'm glad you all are safe and the wretched journey appears to be over.

Bear solidaridoo & tuna,

Spike the Cat (being very very sneaky)

messings about

2007-06-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

Do I have your attention?

Good. This is an important post.
Chuck and I are concerned. The humans are mussing about. There is much talking about 'moving', 'car rides', and 'kitty valium'. And we don't like mussing about. We like tuna and laps.

The damage is extensive. This is the dresser top we like to sit on or walk on.
Useless.

This is our scratching post which was brushed clean of our YEARS of covering it in cat hair. And it was outside for awhile where we couldn't jump on it.
I mean if they had let us outside too. Or at least me. I was so outraged I had to attack a shoe.

The worst of all. They took my bed! There's nothing there.
I am so put out. I spend a lot of time on my box (above) or on the bookshelves. Nobody can see my up there. I'm very very sneaky.
So I hope you all realize the urgency of the situation and send help in the form of tuna. Now I will return to doing what I do in times of crisis.

Why blog?

2007-05-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by my allies The Bears for this meme. My pet still needs to do hers- she's lazy.

The Spawnkitty blogs because-
Reason #1: I'm very very sneaky. Reason #2: My pet takes so many photos of me it makes me crazy. Here I am trying to bite her and she's trying to take a photo of me and yarn.
Reason #3: because I'm handsome.
Reason #4: Chuck and I have been known to stalk birds together.
Reason #5: I am Spawnkitty.

One human down...

2007-04-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

I'm here for you Zoe

2007-04-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

Just warming up the kitty bed.

What?The camera adds weight, I rather lithe actually.

synchronized(ish) napping

2007-04-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

Why do you ask?

2007-04-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

I'm perfectly comfortable.
And yes- I can shed more, so don't push it.

I'm hungry

2007-02-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

Feed me. Feed me now.
Didn't you hear me? Feed me! I am starving you stupid mortal!
Lean just a little closer. I will eat your face.

Grrrr Arrrrgh

2007-01-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

Kill ze bug

2007-01-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

Cedric the Grey

2007-01-06T23:04:00.000-08:00

This is one of our neighbours. From what we can tell, he's pretty nice. He's Cedric the Grey and likes to sit in our outside food-dish.

Recycle

2006-12-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

It's good for the earth and makes a nice napping area.

And they say I'm weird

2006-12-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

See what I have to put with here?

Christmas is coming!

2006-11-24T10:36:00.001-08:00

I am excited. Have you bought my tuna yet? Have you?

I'm fine now

2006-09-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

My pet noted here that I was not feeling well the other day. I wasn't. I was barfing all night. She also mentioned my new bed. I now have four (though those silly yumoos keep sleeping in the two largest of my beds, it's nice of me to be so generous in my sharing). I also let Chuck sleep in my old bed when I'm in my tent. The beds are right by the beds so we can chat lots.

Here are the pictures. I'm going now.

I'm Coming Sabre!

2006-08-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

Don't worry Sabre, I'm coming over there to help you get better- there's only, what, like four cats there so far? I've got the tuna(green bag), the kitty treats(black bag), and some live birds that stunned themselves on the front window(the yellow bag)! Now I just need to get Jim's spress card and a plane ticket. Bears- can you offer some tips?

Feel the love

2006-07-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

I love lots of things. Forbidden love (damn yumoos!). So I communicate my love through my eyes. Oh, how I love you.
And how I want to bite you and knock you off the fireplace mantle and roll in you and bite you some more. The Bears as my witness, the moment this yumoo turns her back you will be mine!

Wait! Why are you taking them in your room? No! Don't shut the door! Damn! Damn it all to hell!
I will get you yet, my pretty.

Ze tulips, they are evil, no?

2006-05-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Yes! Yes they are so evil! Evil evil evil!

Argh, I bite them! I bite them!

Finely honed Spawnkitty senses

2006-05-16T16:08:00.000-07:00

On this spring afternoon, I had taken over my pet's lap while she knit and become lost in a nap. My lethal claws curled up harmlessly while I ravaged wild monkeys in my sleep, my tail twitching with each kill. Then, on my Spawnkitty sense, I heard it. The bzzzzz bzzzz of the deadly Northern Canadian Fly! The yumoos were shamefully unaware of the danger they were in. A fly in the eye is no laughing matter. I sprang my pets lap without stretching and ran straight for the fireplace. There, Chuck and I cornered the fly onto the windowsill, so others of its kind could witness the carnage and know not to mess with us. With one slap, Chuck stunned the fly, who had no time to register the orange fuzzy Spawnkitty paw before it hit him, and with three assured Spawnkitty bites, I ate it. A well orchaestrated effort resulting in a fast, merciful kill, for we are Spawnkitties! A successful afternoon. Now, back to those wild monkeys.

Conversation

2006-04-06T00:03:00.000-07:00

Leone (Pet): Goddamn bad kitty!

Spawnkitty: Calm down.

Leone: You are so bad!

Spawnkitty: What? The window was open! Sheesh.

Leone: You didn't have to jump out it!

Spawnkitty: I am a Spawnkitty; what do you expect?

Leone: A little common sense! Chuck didn't jump through it! It's dangerous out there!

Spawnkitty: For Chuck maybe, not for a Spawnkitty like me.

Leone: You are bad! A bad bad mongrel of a kitty!

Spawnkitty: Whatever.

Leone: We called, and called, and called, and you didn't come! Both my friend and I ran around in stocking feet looking for you!

Spawnkitty: Hey, I was busy eating grass.

Leone: and then puking it up no doubt! And finally, when Jenn found you, what did you do?

Spawnkitty: I had places to go!

Leone: you walked away! Jenn scaled a bloody fence to get you and you walked away! That's just rotten!

Spawnkitty: Places to go I tell you! Besides, I decided to come home.

Leone: Yeah, when Jenn and Leboe corner you and then Jenn threw food in the house so you chased it.

Spawnkitty: It was all my choice.

Leone: You are sooooo bad.

Spawnkitty: I am a Spawnkitty.

Leone: Bad.

Spawnkitty: I want tuna.

2006-04-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Spawnkitty!

Grapes explode if you put them inside Spawnkitty!
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of Spawnkitty orbiting the Earth!
A lump of Spawnkitty the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
Spawnkitty will give a higher yield if milked when listening to music!
Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Spawnkitty!
If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Spawnkitty for the rest of the day!
White chocolate isn't technically chocolate, because it doesn't contain Spawnkitty!
Spawnkitty was the first Tsar of Russia.
The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Spawnkitty.
The condom - originally made from Spawnkitty - was invented in the early 1500s!

Editors note: number eight is incorrect. It is suppose to read: Spawnkitty bit Tom Cruise.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Chuck!

The deepest part of Chuck is over 35,000 feet deep.
In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and Chuck!
Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are Chuck.
Banging your head against Chuck uses 150 calories an hour.
Chuck was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
About 100 people choke to death on Chuck each year.
The only Englishman to become Chuck was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Chuck from 1154 to 1159.
Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of Chuck.
It takes forty minutes to hard-boil Chuck!
While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Chuck.

Happy Second Birthday to ME!

2006-03-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

spike glare
Originally uploaded by Yoners.

I'm very excited.

Bad Pet

2006-02-21T20:41:00.000-08:00

So my pet left her knitting out Saturday morning which is no big deal normally. But it called to me, it beckoned to me, it told me to love it. So I loved it. My pet freaked out, and I mean, she freaked out! She wanted to make me throw up! Crazy! Thank cat goodness she called the vet, which on any other occasion would make me hiss and spit, but the vet told her to just lavish me with attention for 24 hours and NOT make me throw up. Sheesh. So she still left for work despite what the vet said, but she came home three hours early so I forgave her. She got really annoying, whenever I tried to sleep she would throw some food to make me chase it to make sure I wasn't dead, and she kept on picking me up to see if I would squeak. I bit her a lot. She would also spontaneously burst into tears and that was really annoying too. She then left again a few hours later and came home an hour and a half later kinda intoxicated. I was very indignified by this, she was suppose to making sure I'm happy on a continous basis! Though I didn't mind, I actually got a good nap in that time, which was a good thing because that night, she woke up every two hours to check on me! Every two hours! Even when I left the warm bed in order to sleep somewhere else, she came out at six in the morning into the living room to poke me again! Honestly! Thank goodness she left for work the next day, those were not the 24 hours I thought they were going to be. I thought for sure there would at least be tuna. Hmph. So I told her not to leave her knitting out anymore, incase that she thinks that I did it again and goes into the hysterical crying and vet phoning, that can go nowhere good. What a bad pet. Bad bad.

Importance of Exercise

2006-02-17T13:51:00.000-08:00

Chuck and I found out today that simple changes in your environment can make a world of difference. My pet moved the big white armchair forward so her friend could sit in it while they played on the GoomeCoobe. This prompted running and spazzing like no other running and spazzing before. Least to say, I now need to have a nap. My pet told us we were being freaks of nature and yelled a lot because the rug wasn't secured to the floor properly. I mean, if she didn't want her glass of water knocked off the table she shouldn't have the table on the rug. And frankly, the rubber duckie had it coming and no, I don't know how he got from the bathtub into the kitchen. Talk to Chuck about that one.

Bite bite

2006-02-10T12:29:00.000-08:00

My pirate name is:

Iron Jack Kidd

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Thanks to Podgy for the link. Grr. bite bite

Kitty Killers of Evil

2006-02-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

So I decided to kill some evil today. I told Chuck he could come along. Let me start from the beginning. We had a giant evil silver ball of evil living in the living room. The yumoos were always trying to kill it. They'd sit on it and hit it with their legs but nope, couldn't kill it. Silly yumoos. So this afternoon as Chuck and I were getting in our daily exercise I decided to do what the yumoos could not. Yup. A couple claw slashes later and this ball of evil is nothing but a deflated loser. My pet came in afterwards and was overcome with relief that the ball of evil was dead. Then she obviously went a little crazy with relief because she locked us in the basement for awhile. Insane yumoo. I just wanted to blog this because Chuck is also trying to take credit for the killing, but we all know who the slayer is in this house. My pet is giving us equal credit which upsets me. Where is my can of tuna? Where? Sheesh. Now if I could just get outside and kill that big crow out there. Oh yeah.

My pet is telling me to apologize to Chuck's pet. Why? Did she want to kill it herself? I don't understand.

A Bear in Coming!

2006-01-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

and Jim too. I like him. He is very tall and is clean. I like his lap too.

I'm very excited about which Bear is coming. I miss the Bears. I will be happy when they all get here.

This morning, I crawled underneath the covers of my pets bed and scared her with my wet nose on her arm. That was funny. Then Chuck rolled off one of her pillows and fell on her face and gave her an allergy attack. That was funny too.

stupid baths

2005-12-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

All I've got to say is that it isn't easy getting this covered in rust. I had to crawl around in that old furnace for a long time to get looking like this. I looked good! And then! The indignity! A bath! I crawled into a dark corner to prevent her from getting any good photos but I realize now I can send these to amnesty international. They'll come help me out.

Important Memo

2005-11-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

To all members (kitties or otherwise) of Spawnkitty Residence, PG, BC, Canada:

Kitties are allowed on counters, tables, laps, and dressers.
Kitties should get at least 20% of whatever you are considering, preparing, or eating while in the kitchen or living room. Each.
The fridge should be held open for the kitties when we decide we want in to pick out our lunch.
The serious concern of lack of tuna in this household needs to be addressed.

There. Now stop whining.

Signed,
Royal Vulcan Spawnkitty Spike Andrew & Second in Command Spaz Lieutenant Chuck

Helpful

2005-11-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

Chuck and I realized we should maybe be nicer to our yumoos. They work very hard, getting up early in the morning to work out. We don't know why, it's really silly. But they do. So Chuck and I decided to help our yumoos get up in the morning. We still don't know what to do about Chucks pet, her door keeps on accidently being shut. But my pet is more committed to working out morning times. Around 4am we start wrestling on my pets bed, attacking anything that makes a rustling sound, or knocing things off ledges we weren't allowed on in the first place. This will usually get her up and doing some cardio. Yumoos are lazy though. Her door accidently shut yesterday when we were outside and she was still inside. So I attacked it endlessly till she opened it again. And this morning, she just went and slept in Chuck's pet's room where the noisy fan prevented her from hearing our wakeup calls. Still, being very helpful kitties over here. Soon we'll start biting her till she gets up. That'll work.

A busy week

2005-11-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

wow. yeah. lots of things going on this week. Chuck and I have 'rediscovered' the furnace (we look alike now because of this 'rust' that my pets keep on trying to wash off but I'm like 'no way' and it doesn't work anyways) and we have gained access to the forbidden room of the basement. I realized that you can jump into the unfinished ceiling of the basement from the toilet. You just need to hook your front paw claws in the top of the wall and then scratch like hell with your back feet on the wall to get the rest of your body up. You can from there go into any room of the basement you want. Try locking us out now! Ha! Well, except for the cold room, and anyways, we don't want to go into there. Chuck and I have also successfully scared away the ghoulish fiends who tried to enter the house on Monday night. Well, I did. Chuck ran at every noise. At first the silly yumoos thought they could handle them on their own and foolishly locked us in the basement. I wasn't having any of that! They let us up after they realized their folly. Chuck and I have been doing a lot of running. And jumping. And some biting too. We have also been conserving heat by routinely taking laps hostage. The yumoos are being much too active. One of them should be on the couch at all times even if we aren't in immediate need of a lap. Oh right, and Chuck wants to me to say that Jenn has been denying him his weekly allowance of hair eating. I personally think Chuck is a suck but this is a blog in support of all kitties. Must go... there is chaos waiting to be achieved.

Naptime is Naptime!

2005-10-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

Honestly! Yumoos! First, they stay up too late! I am accustom to going to bed at 1opm, no later! What am I suppose to do when they stay up late? It's naptime! Not watch TV time, or knit time, or talk on the phone time, or have a bath time, or eat popcorn time. It's naptime! And now! Now they wake up too early! Much, much, much too early! That's the best time of the day! Naptime in the morning allows for optimum manipulation of yumoos because they are too tired to protest. Nap on arms, legs, bellies, lie across their necks, their feet. Instead of allowing me my right to naptime, they jump around the living room like freaks! Freaks I tell you! Honestly. Yumoos.

Ze Kitties

2005-10-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

Ze Kitties
Originally uploaded by Yoners.

I am the black and white one. Chuck is the other.

Dear humoos

2005-10-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Chuck and I have noticed that you all have been coming and going a lot lately. We would like to lay down some groundrules.

Jenn- even though Chuck and I enjoy your tounge scraper we would like you to buy us each an individual one so we don't have to share yours anymore.
Jim- we were just getting used to your lap. We will accept you back if you come bearing cat treats.
Leone- you are moving around too much at night. Next time you decide to shift your feet we will be forced to take action. It's our bed. Deal.
General- next one who calls me (Spike) a lapcat is going to get it. I am using you all for your laps. Don't take it as a sign of affection. Winters in this place are friggin cold.
General- next one who comments on Chuck's stinky ass, even though it is stinky and leaky, will get leaked on.
Stop moving the bloody scratching post. Chuck and I need it infront of the window to keep an eye on the street. Chaos will break out if we don't. It's true.

Now, toe or line or there will be more knocking the food out of the food dish and all around kitty craziness.

Not really all that sincerely,
Spike and Chuck.

humoo loogic sucks

2005-09-21T10:09:00.000-07:00

humoos are silly. I do not understand their stupid loogic. I don't run. I don't play. I don't chase things and don't try to chase me. Just becoo Chuck follows kitty 'norms' doesn't mean you can try to scare me away from doorways and carpets. I may not be as 'Spawnkitty' as I once was, but don't be fooled. I am the originoo Spawnkitty, and I will always be. I will bite and stalk and hunt. Chuck's pets theory that I am part vulcan is also acceptable. Vulcan Spawnkitty!

I'm onto you.

All of you.

Apologies will be accepted in the form of tuna. Thank you. Stupid humoos.

50 tinfoil balls to 1 orange furball

2005-08-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

My pet told me I had to blog. I was sleeping ontop of the fridge.

I moved. I decided it was time. I'm not the type of cat to hang around one spot for long. I like to move things around. I wanted to move to Alaska and wrestle polar bears. I wanted to move to Halifax and swim the atlantic shores. I wanted to move to Armstrong and kill the hawk that nearly ate my family. I wanted to go to Australia and live with Dingoes. But no.

I moved in with Chuck.

He lives in a house with Jenn (pet's sister, or lady who drives my pet to school). He now sleeps on the bed with my pet and I at night. I often wake up with washed ears. He's weird that way. We run a lot. Sometimes we jump at each other froms great heights. Most of the time we just kick each others ass on the carpets. Jenn's fine. She bought Chuck and I a bed but keeps on hogging it. She feeds us and brushes us. I don't mind.

For awhile we lived with Ativan. She's like a cat, but she's not. It was like she wanted me to bite her. I think it was just to get me into trouble.

My pet told me she found over 50 of my crunched up tinfoil balls hidden in the armchair and under the stove. I think that's great. I prefer this orange furball to them though. Tinfoil doesn't chase me up the scratching post but tinfoil also doesn't enjoy the laundry room like I do.

Laundry is great.

My Fortunes

2005-07-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

My pet got chinese food last night. She wanted to marry the delivery boy. She doesn't want me telling you that. She wouldn't let me eat the chinese food. I tried to climb inside the bag to bite the plastic things of plum sauce and soya sauce but she took them away. She did let me pick a fortune cookie though. I picked the best one. It had five fortunes in it. They are stupid and inclusive but I'm going to blog about them anyways.
1. Your mentality is alert, practical, and analytical. I don't understand how this is a fortune. Though I don't dispute its truthfulness.
2. A modest man never talks of himself. First of all, it's not only male humans eating fortune cookies. Second of all, stating lame facts is still not a fortune.
3. A handful of patience is worth a bushel of brains. I asked my pet about this one. She didn't know where I could find bushels of brains so I bit her. Than she pushed me away. Obviously, she has neither of these qualities.
4. You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier. This one is cool. I lead a very difficult life.
5. You are very expressive and positive in words, action, and feeling. My pet laughed at this one. I'm going to bite her.

Oh yeah, and my pet says I have to say thanks to Jenn, Coral, Ativan, and Chuck for housing me while she was off getting drunk in Kitimat.

I'm going to kick your ass Chuck.

Punk.

Five Things I Miss From My Childhood

2005-06-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

"Detestable" Meme from Loki-Cow's Pet, Julia.
1. Mama. Mama looks like me in colouring but she is smaller and leaner. She is quiet and prefers to sleep in secluded areas. She likes to help her pet do the gardening by lying in her lap every time her pet sits down. Mama protected us from the giant evil hawk and kept us from falling in the pool. I hear that Mama now goes inside the house and that is good. Mama likes to clean around my ears and she likes to purr.
2. Being outside. I don't miss the giant hawk that nearly carried my siblings and I off to eat, nor the crazy dogs from next door. I miss the fresh air, the trees to climb, sleeping in the warm garage at night with Mama, darting between plants with my brothers and sisters, and attacking bugs in the grass.
3. Mice. I caught a few. Mostly Mama would bring them to us partly dead. That was fun.
4. The house I lived in before the Big Drive. There was a very nice lady and guy and this big fat cat and a mysterious stranger cat. I would pounce on the big fat cat and the nice lady would come and swoop me up and let me eat her yarn as she knit.
5. The ability to climb doorways and hang upside down from the edging. I can't do it anymore. Just last week I tried and I fell.

My morning

2005-06-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

Run-run-run-run-run-jump on stove-jump on fridge-ontop of cupboards-scamper-scamper-lurch-hunch-widen eyes-scamper-scamper-jump on to pizza boxes on top of fridge-get scared-jump from fridge to floor-run-run-run-bite pet foot-run-run-run-jump from futon to scratching post-miss scratching post-hit wall-run-run-run-attack door-run-run-run-attack pet leg-get yelled at-run-run-run-run-run-jump into bathtub-lurk-jump out at pet-spaz-run-run-run-run-jump from armchair to window sill-whip tail back and forth-attack blinds-get yelled at-widen eyes-jump from windowsill to sidetable-knock over sidetable-run-run-run-run-attack pet leg-run away before can get yelled at-run-run-run-run-run-protect toilet-attack shower stall door-manage to hook one paw around top rim of shower stall door but fall anyways-run-run-run-run-bite pet foot-get yelled at-bite pet foot again-get yelled at-keep on biting pet foot anyways-get kicked-flatten ears and widen eyes-attack pet leg-get screamed at-run-run-defend toilet-run-run-run-run-run-collaspe-sleep.

The List

2005-05-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

Going to the bathroom:Hello, I drink out of that thing! Stop it!
Screens/windows/doors:I must be allowed to go forth and conquer for Spawnkitties everywhere!
Canned tuna:Don't can it! Just give it to me now!
American Idol:Carrie? Can we say vanilla or what?
Waterbottles:Sadistic fools!

I tag Zooey, Mieka, and Loki-Cow's pet.

How Dare Thee!

2005-05-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

My Spawnkittiness has been called into question!!! I shall not stand for this! Or sit! Just the other night as the accused sat watching 'boxing' I fended off a most terrible attack! An outside non-spawnkitty kitty was attacking the house! Throwing himself/herself against the window but I kept all within safe! And this is the thanks I get? Nearly twice a week my pet lets loose a creature of most demonic beginnings loose in our home! I have to protect my food and my toilet! Not to mention I only recently nearly scaled the shower stall door! I am exhuasted with my spawnkitty duties! Basking the sunlight is how kitties fuel outselves. It was the great Hobbes who noted that cats have solar cells in their tummies. How else could I do all that I do?*sigh* Oh you humans.

Official Bad-Ass Spawnkitty!

2005-05-05T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's now official. I am a bad-ass Spawnkitty. I have a scar. It's on my nose. My newest name is now Scarface. Don't mess with me! I am Scarface Spawnkitty Spike!

Wanted: Preferably Alive

2005-04-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

Missing:One Yumoo Pet
Name: Leone
Missing Since: April 16th, 2005
Description:Loud, lazy, frumpy brown hair, likes pink, pale unmoisterized skin
Last Seen Wearing: I dunoo
Last Known Whereabouts:Chuck's house
Last Seen:Entering Jenn's car (very suspicious)
Reward: Um.... Ativan. Ha, yeah
I'm not too concerned. It's more of a passing thought. Though I do miss the solitude. I miss biting Riley. I worry about all the evil things taking over the place. I also, possibly, maybe, miss my pet's lap. Possibly maybe.

The Evil One

2005-04-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, the Evil One. She is tall with pretty streaked gold hair. She wears many a nice thing I want to rip. The humans call her 'Coroo' or something such. However, she is evil. I must spit and hiss, flatten my ears against my skull, puff out my tail, raise the hairs along my spine and walk sideways. Why is she evil you ask?
She took a bath and shut the door!
Yes it is true! You think evil like this can't exist until it happens.

On other news Chuck and I are solving many mysteries together through kicking each other's ass. (I guess in that sense he's kinda like Faith.... but no.)

Ant Slayer

2005-04-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

In every household there is a Chosen One. I alone will stand against the ants, the flying bugs, and the spray of waterbottles. I am the Slayer.

I kill the ants. I lick them into the carpet, I smoosh them with my wet nose, I pounce on them with both paws from up high. I am an Ant Slayer.

So amazingly evil things

2005-04-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

The Bears made a Spawnkitty official Good Point. Bear Baitin' is amazingly evil. Amazing evil things are things that are so evil they freakishly trump evil things on an evil list and hence need their own list, an amazingly evil list. This is a very serious list and bear baitin' is right at the top. Plagarism is fourth.

Evil things

2005-04-12T12:47:00.000-07:00

Things that are evil:

The thing that will not be said
tinfoil
doors
carpets
plastic bags
anything inside a plastic bag
yarn
milk tags
window screens
loose tea
glasses
boxes of kleenex
shoelaces
pens
tape
bobby pins
computer mouse
blinds
kitty litter scoop
cupboards
toes
fingers
Jen's scalp
loom
answering machine
hairballs

And that is it.

Yo, dude

2005-04-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Calm down.

...

2005-04-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

There's a backspace button? Nobody told me there was a backspace button. I have more rage to vent. The CD rack shall die.

The Bears

2005-04-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

In lieu of my crush of Daphne Rose... Dammit, wrong phrase. Ignore that. In lieu of past events, I, Spike the Cat, apologize to Mauja the Bear for biting his head.

Sorry.

commercials

2005-04-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

I hate commercials where cats meow along to songs. No cat does that. It's not real.
But that commercial where a human eats cat food is wrong. They don't even share human food and now they eat our food? I must go vent.

Naps

2005-04-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

Naps are essential to all beings. Spawnkitties or not. I prefer on my tiger bed, my giant bed, or an open textbook. These are all good.

Spawnkitty poetry

2005-04-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Spawnkitty poetry is a controversial and challenging art. All Spawnkitty poetry must follow Spawnkitty Poetry rules.

Spawnkitty Poetry Rules

Spike decides what is Spawnkitty poetry and what is not.
Must be concerned with major Spawnkitty themes. Spawnkitties know what the themes are.

Rules of Blog

2005-04-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

There are rules to this.

No saying the word that cannot be said (fyi: waterbottle)
Donations of tuna are appropriate.
All that Spawnktties say is legit.
Bears are within the realm of Spawnkitties
I bite.

Spawnkitties Unite!

2005-04-08T12:36:00.000-07:00

My name is Spike. I am a spawnkitty. I suffer through humans in order to eat tuna. And now I blog.